What happens after you get what you want?

I've been getting ready for this Christmas Holiday with a bit of apprehension. I don't know if it's getting older that occasionally ZAPS my Christmas Spirit or if it's other forces outside of myself hard at work. It's strange. This time of the year I usually am filled with excitement and wonder. I don't think excitement and wonder have an age limit. Last year we were waiting for Liam to be born. We were filled with hope and anticipation for the coming year. Anything would have been better than that last year. The IVF's, Shelly's Hospital scare and other difficulties. This year has been filled with it's own set of challenges. I think that Liam was our high point this year. His birth was the culmination of many years of praying through frustrated words and angry hearts.

I still remember after our first IVF exactly 2 Christmas's ago. I had gotten a call from our Doctor while at lunch with my family and my parents. Liv, our 5 year old, had been praying in her own way for quite a while. She would pray that God would give her a baby brother or sister. She was happy with whichever one...she just wanted one. When we told her, I remember that she was sitting on the chair watching TV and we sat down with her. We told her that God decided that we needed to wait on a baby brother or sister and that there wasn't a baby in mommie's tummy yet. Her eyes filled with tears and we all cried a little bit together, but we said that God knew what he was doing and we didn't need to worry. ( I should have said that to myself.)

So, here we are...our answer to prayer is 8 1/2 months old. We've gotten our answer. But still, I grumble a bit because of circumstances, hurricanes, money problems and job stresses. But, what happens after I get what I want? I still want more. The asking is where the transformation occurs. Satisfaction is for a moment. And even though I am thankful, I am greatly reminded that the absence I feel in my heart is a part of life. It's the yearning for perfection...for wholeness that will only come through relationship. And even then, only in pieces. I will not be whole until I see God face to face. I will know even as I am fully known.

So for now, as I think about this Christmas, I must remind myself that God has answered my prayer. I must remember the journey I've taken. How far I've come. I must remember the joy I felt and still feel when I see my children's smiling faces and hear their laughter and cries. And when I ask myself what happens after I get what I want? I will remember that Life happens. So do Job issues, stress and acts of God. This is a journey. An exciting one at that. They will continue as will we. Hopefully, though, I have a bit of wisdom for my two little ones seen here. I will tell them that the most important thing isn't in the getting...it's in the asking. Besides, there will always be something else that we really want.