The Daily Battle

I've just returned from a weekend in the hill country. My wife and I were fortunate enough to be able to facilitate a retreat for 12 married couples. My wife and I have a passion for marriages and the possibilities they embody. If the marriage is solid then, more than likely, the family will be solid. This doesn't mean that the children won't grow up to make poor decisions, but it will mean that those poor decisions will be less likely to be 'poor' on a grand scale.

One thing that we are constantly reminded of is the need that people have for connection. a need to feel that they are not alone. When two people get married, that long-term need for connection doubles. So many of us feel that our issues are somehow different than other's issues. We live under the false assumption that to share in our struggles is to invite criticism and judgement into the relationship. This is what it is like with couples. It is also what it is like with the individuals.

I think Men are worse at internalizing than women are. We tend to feel that we can go it alone when it comes to our biggest struggles. I have learned that going it alone has never worked for anyone other than the 'Marlboro Man.' But even then I wonder, because we've only seen pictures of him in 1/10 second increments. When I think about it, I have an occasional 1/10 of a second where I feel rather indestructable...but then the brief mini-moment passes and I'm right back to where I was, attempting to make it to the next moment without crashing the whole world around me. As much as we hate to say it, Men need the company and encouragement of other men when life is most difficult. (proverbs 27:17) As Iron Sharpens Iron...so one man sharpens another. This isn't an easy process. Iron sharpening iron is painful at times. Sparks will fly and metal is sheared off into tiny bits. Fortunately, this process isn't as painful when it comes to marriages. HA!

What I've realized is that People need each other. God created a community. He instituted the church which is the Body Of Christ...community. Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through christ which strengthens me" is followed by "But it was good of you to share in my troubles." We need each other. God is present in suffering.

So...my prayer is for those of us who try again and again to 'go it alone' whether individually or in marriages. May you find godly community who will undertake the 'sharing of your sufferings.'